Indiana Jones Meets the Marx Brothers
by The Madman From The Bronx
Summary: WARNING- crack fic. During the airplane scene, one of the Nazis declares that they needs protection. Well naturally, someone went and got the Marx Brothers. Chaos ensues.


Here is a simple crack fic I wrote a year ago and decided not to post. ?: The first time I watched Indiana Jones and saw the airplane scene, this is what came to mind. Extremely random. Also, the list of events is a bit out of order, I think.

BTW, for those of you who aren't familiar with the Marx Brothers...

Groucho (aka Captain Spaulding) is a guy with big bushy eyebrows, a big black cigar, and is a big pain in the neck. He also has a greasepaint moustache and wears glasses. You'd have to see a picture of him in order to really know his personality. Groucho is the witty member of the group, and his comedic specialty is his smart mouth.

Chico (aka Chicolini) has an Italian accent in all of his movies. He has that naughty smile on his face all the time. His comedic specialty is also his mouth, but definitely not his smart mouth, because he takes everything literally.

Harpo (aka Pinky) wears a ridiculous top hat, a horn at his side, and is overall very eccentric-looking. He is a mute, and there is a lot of interaction between Harpo and Chico- in Marx Brothers movies, more often than not they play brothers. (in real life, they are all brothers) His comedic specialty is... well... hard to describe. You'll get a small idea of it in this fic. Oh, and his standard way of greeting people is holding out a leg.

Other tips: All 3 like women!

And sorry Zeppo fans! He's not here!

I OWN NOTHING.

Now... enjoy!

* * *

One Nazi looked upon all the chaos that Indiana Jones was causing with a horrified expression. To the other Nazi, he said "We need protection!"

...

"Sir, I have found excellent protection. These 3 men are…"

"Captain Spaulding,"

"Of Scotland yard," Spaulding added.

"Chicolini,"

"Ah, this a-crazy. Where-a the women?"

"and Pinky."

Pinky honked his horn and held out a leg.

"I assure you, they are excellent bodyguards."

"All right. We need you 3 men to keep these men protected."

"Well, you found just the men to do the job. Now, where are the women?" Spaulding asked, looking around.

...

"Ah, what kind of a job is this for us? No pay, no good-a-food, no women." Chicolini got up and walked away. Shortly afterward, Pinky got up and followed Chicolini.

"Well, that's 2 down," Spaulding said, getting out his jacks. "See what these fellows put me through? Day in and day out, these boys leave me to do all the work while they make off with the…" Spaulding sees a girl and walks away.

...

Indiana Jones, who was watching the scene from a distance, sighed in relief. These guys were nothing but a bunch of goofballs. He saw two of the men coming and beckoned to them. Chicolini's eyes lit up in greeting. Pinky started chasing a girl.

"Ah, stop it. What's-a-matter for you?" Chicolini reprimanded. Pinky stopped and looked downcast. "Hey, I think that guy's a-waving at us."

Pinky and Chicolini started waving back.

Indiana Jones beckoned more furiously and mouthed "Come here!"

Puzzled, Chicolini and Pinky walked over.

"Hey mister, why-a-you behind that rock?"

"That doesn't matter. Will you join my side?"

Chicolini started muttering to Pinky. He was talking fast, and Pinky was nodding his head furiously.

"How much a-you pay us?"

"I'll give you fellows 1,000 dollars each."

Chico looked doubtful. "I dunno…"

Pinky nodded his head ferociously and honked his horn several times.

"Done."

"Good. Now all you fellows have to do is STAY OUT OF THE WAY."

Chicolini was ecstatic. "Hey Pinky! We a-have a real job! No more a-body guarding business. You know Tony from the music conservatory never paid us… Hey! Where'd the fellow go?"

...

Indiana Jones and a big thug were in the middle of a fistfight. Spaulding watches from a distance, cheering them on. "Hey, you!" He shouted to the thug. "Is there some kind of brain in there or is your head a meatball?" He ducked in case the thug would want to throw something at him.

The airplane is about 20 feet away from the spilled gasoline, and Captain Spaulding does not fail to notice. "Well, folks, I'm out of here," Spaulding says, and runs off very fast.

* * *

I know the form changed at the end, but I tried putting it in past tense and it kinda ruined it. Review!


End file.
